Why in Chinese families are there many children who look down on their fathers, yet few who look down on their mothers? Today I came across an answer: it says because fathers often tell their children, "You must be filial to your mother when you grow up; she raised you with hardship and sacrifice." But what does the mother usually say? She often says, "When you grow up, don’t ever find someone as useless as your father." So, no matter how hard the father works, his children may not see it, but his flaws are infinitely magnified because the mother unreservedly, even passionately, talks about the father's shortcomings to the children. Even when the child makes a mistake, the father’s faults are brought into the scolding—he might say, "It’s just your family’s fate." In fact, the father is like a house, and the mother is like a quilt, but most people only remember the warmth of the quilt and forget that it’s the house that shields you from wind and rain.

But the deeper reason is: in many Chinese families, the father is placed in a position of "only responsible for the results, not allowed to fail, nor allowed to show vulnerability." His efforts are taken for granted and instrumentalized, only evaluated when "the results meet the standards." The pressure, hesitation, and sacrifices during the process are neither shown nor acknowledged. Because he cannot show weakness, explain himself, or fail, his efforts lose their entry point to be seen, leaving only a cold, hard result. When the outcome is acceptable, everything is taken for granted; once the result is not ideal, he quickly slips into the evaluation of "useless." Children do not intentionally look down on their father; rather, in the long-term family narrative, they only see a father who is either qualified or a failure, but is never allowed to be a "real person."