My ex-wife took out a $100K Parent PLUS loan for our son. Am I morally or legally obliged to pay it off?

By Quentin Fottrell

 'Our son makes $45,000 a year and has no immediate prospects for significantly increasing his income' 

 "Previously, she had indicated to me that it was a much smaller amount so the actual terms came as a surprise." (Photo subject is a model.) 

 Dear Quentin, 

 In 2023, after 28 years of marriage, my wife and I divorced. In the divorce proceedings, she asked that I take responsibility for half of a loan that she "cosigned" for our son's education. I was aware of the loan, but not privy to the details and, certainly, not aware that it was a loan of $100,000 at 7%-plus interest. Previously, she had indicated to me that it was a much smaller amount so the actual terms came as a surprise. 

 State law does not require me to assume such a debt, and it remained hers after the divorce. In the past year, I have discovered that it was a Parent PLUS loan, which means it is her debt alone. Minimum payments are $700 a month. She makes this payment and our son contributes $200 to her each month. Our son makes $45,000 a year and has no immediate prospects for significantly increasing his income in the near future. 

 I've sent him some money ($5,000) to help him pay off his other student loans ($25,000) that are in his name. And I want to help him get on a solid financial footing in the future. I am in the fortunate position to be able to give each of my three children about $5,000 a year to pay off student debt and/or save for retirement. Do I have an obligation to help my son pay off this $100,000 that is legally his mother's problem? 

 It turns out his mother lied to me about many things: her infidelity and numerous financial issues. Thank you for your time. 

 Father & Former Husband 

 Don't miss 'The world feels unpredictable': I'm 56. My husband is 64. Our mortgage costs $17K a month. Do we pay it off? 

 You can email The Moneyist with any financial and ethical questions at qfottrell@marketwatch.com. The Moneyist regrets he cannot reply to questions individually. 

 It rightly seems important to treat your children equally and not be pulled into a toxic relationship with your ex that you did not sign up for. 

 Dear Father, 

 Legally and morally, you are not responsible for a loan that you did not approve. 

 That is both the headline and the boundary. I suspect there are a lot of boundaries crossed or ignored during your relationship. There are other variables (or manipulations) that might sway you toward helping pay off some of this loan - your son is trying to pay off this loan on a $45,000 salary, he has an additional $25,000 debt - and issues that could understandably put you off getting involved - such as your wife's reported untrustworthy behavior, her willingness to mislead you over this Parent PLUS loan and her other unrelated financial infidelities. 

 You are correct that taking out a $100,000 Parent PLUS loan was another act of financial infidelity, up to a point, given that (1) your ex-wife asked you to contribute and (2) you feel an obligation to do something to help pay off the loan, given that it was taken out for your son. As a result, you are understandably struggling with emotional enmeshment, a dysfunctional relationship dynamic where boundaries are blurred, pressure is applied to participate in the emotions, anxieties and responsibilities of another person. 

 You did not sign for this Parent PLUS loan. Ask yourself: Would you have signed for this $100,000? If not, you already have the answer to your question. Federal Parent PLUS loans do not require as strict credit underwriting as other student loans and, as such, it can be easier to get in over your head. Parent PLUS borrowers are eligible for three repayment plans: standard, graduated and extended. On the plus side, 7% is not a bad interest rate for one of these loans. The most recent rate for these loans is closer to 9%. 

 Foggy finances 

 In fact, starting on July 1, 2026, Parent PLUS loans will be capped at $20,000 per year, with a lifetime maximum of $65,000 per dependent student. These changes, enacted under President Donald Trump's One Big Beautiful Bill Act, replace the current policy allowing parents to borrow up to the full cost of their child's college attendance. (Parents who took out a PLUS loan before July 1, 2026 may continue borrowing under the existing (uncapped) rules for up to three academic years, or until the student completes their program.) 

 It rightly seems important to treat your children equally and not be pulled into a toxic relationship with your ex that you did not sign up for. This sounds like a financial version of "FOG," an acronym coined by author and psychologist Dr. Susan Forward - "fear, obligation and guilt." If you plan to give each of your children $5,000 a year, stay true and consistent with that pledge - both to them and to yourself. You can still support your son's long-term financial stability, and that of your other children, without being "FOG-ed" into taking on a Parent PLUS loan. 

 So what now? Continue to help your son with his other student loan. If you continue to give him $5,000 a year, he will hopefully come close to clearing it within five years. Your ex-wife can take care of her side of the street. Yes, she did this to help your son, but she did not give you all the information with which to make an informed decision. No one should be held hostage to other people's decisions or half-truths. That's manipulative and, given that you are now divorced, this seems like another way to have a financial and/or emotional hold over you. 

 The divorce judge ruled that this debt was hers to pay with good reason. 

 More columns from Quentin Fottrell 

 'This is stressful for my parents': My siblings harass our mother and father for money. Should they be cut out of their will? 

 'She spent over $1,000 a month on weight-loss drugs': My son wrecked his finances after meeting his girlfriend. Who's to blame? 

 'I have a moral and ethical conundrum': My husband was killed by a careless driver. I received $2 million. What do I owe my stepdaughter? 

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 -Quentin Fottrell 

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02-21-26 0830ET

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